SOTU: Sexing Mutombo

George W. Bush is a very bad president. He manages to screw up the simplest things. For example, he gave a big speech last night in praise of Houston Rockets backup center Dikembe Mutombo, formerly a star with the Denver Nuggets and the Atlanta Hawks and an integral component of the Philadelphia 76ers team that made it to the NBA Finals back in the day. It was a good move since Mutombo is, obviously, more than worthy of praise. Somehow, though, Bush managed to miss the most salient facts. Mutombo is actually leading the league in rebound rate, pulling down an insane 23.6 percent of missed shots while on the floor.

This while he's forty years old. The shocking thing is that the stellar performances this season of Mutombo and fellow ex-star turned backup Alonzo Mourning could arguably be dragooned into an argument about the need to raise the Social Security retirement age. Alternatively, one could simply contemplate the unfairness of Mutombo and Mourning being allocated to two of the very few teams who actually have top-notch starting centers. Certainly after watching Brendan Haywood repeatedly fail to throw it down during the Wizards sorry, sorry first quarter tonight, I'm wishing we had either of those guys.

UPDATE: If I were president, I would have taken the opportunity to note that whatever shotcomings Dwane Casey may have as a coach firing him is hardly going to get at the root -- cough, McHale, cough -- of Minnesota's problems. Indeed, I think Bush ought to call for the Wolves-Bulls trade that would give Kevin Garnett the shot at championship contention he so richly deserves.

1/23/07 11:39PM del.icio.us this incoming links

Comments

The shocking thing is that the stellar performances this season of Mutombo and fellow ex-star turned backup Alonzo Mourning could arguably be dragooned into an argument about the need to raise the Social Security retirement age

I think has more to do with the greatness of a certain university on the Potomac, but that's just me :-)

Posted by: SoCalJustice on January 24, 2007 12:00 AM

That tiny Asian woman next to Dikembe who came up approximately to his waist just had that look in her eye. You could tell...she wanted to sex Mutombo.

Posted by: b.schac on January 24, 2007 12:01 AM

Does this say something about the decline of centers that two ancients are putting up such spectacular per-minute statistics?

Posted by: Steve Sailer on January 24, 2007 12:10 AM

I think has more to do with the greatness of a certain university on the Potomac, but that's just me :-)

It does kind of make you wonder why Patrick Ewing retired.

Posted by: Matthew Yglesias on January 24, 2007 12:20 AM

Anytime Dikembe Mutombo is written about and no one mentions that he is called "Mount" Mutombo or makes reference to his finger wagging, the baby Jesus cries.

Posted by: Jon Miles on January 24, 2007 12:29 AM

He might have used Zo to illustrate a plan for legalizing the organs market.

Posted by: Wade on January 24, 2007 12:30 AM

Mutombo is, obviously, more than worthy of praise

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/LAW/05/13/gold.club.trial/index.html

Prostitutes aside, I do appreciate Mutombo's bang-up work for the Sixers back in the day--but if he's only 40 then I'm a switchgrass farmer.

Posted by: max on January 24, 2007 12:33 AM

The link to the rebound rate table is cool. Marcus Camby leaps out of the table. Great rebounding, really low turnovers.

Posted by: Bill Gardner on January 24, 2007 01:12 AM

i've been following dikembe in the box scores and being blown away by his rebounding - not to mention the minutes he's been logging.

but i write to note to matthew that patrick retired because he just plain couldn't move well enough any more: dikembe obviously still can.

Posted by: howard on January 24, 2007 02:03 AM

I can't agree more on every count.

-Alec

PS A picture of Mutombo doing the finger wag would have been priceless. I was praying he'd do the wag to Bush, how amazing would that have been?

Posted by: Alec on January 24, 2007 02:26 AM

Agreed, SoCalJustice. Hoya Saxa, baby.

Posted by: Cain on January 24, 2007 11:19 AM

the way that alonzo and dikembe can dominate even at their advanced years makes the current non-crop of centers look really bad. and you'd think that it would be easier to be a dominating shotblocking/rebounding machine than a do-everything (scoring) center. but few seem to take that russell-like route. this also makes the 90s centers look much better.

Posted by: dj superflat on January 24, 2007 11:57 AM

Amen! Free KG! Free KG! Free KG!

Posted by: stand on January 24, 2007 04:47 PM

dj superflat, as the resident old-timer who actually remembers seeing russ play, just as a small note, russ did have a nice hook shot, he was a great fast-break trailer, and of course he was one of the greatest outlet passers ever, so it's not like he didn't play some significant role on offense.

Posted by: howard on January 24, 2007 04:54 PM

Let's agree that Yglesias's comment about Ewing--who was the root of so much Knick trouble--was a joke.

Posted by: SomeCallMeTim on January 24, 2007 05:05 PM

Let's agree that Yglesias's comment about Ewing--who was the root of so much Knick trouble--was a joke.

Um, how was Ewing the "root of so much Knick trouble"?

Posted by: Al on January 24, 2007 05:50 PM

i didn't mean to impugn russ's offensive skills, comment based on his (from what i understand) conscious decision to focus on D and boards as way to help team, etc., which doesn't seem currently to be much in fashion (if it ever was). i assume he could have been pretty much an offensive monster had that been what his team needed from him.

Posted by: dj superflat on January 24, 2007 05:54 PM

dj superflat, i didn't mean to suggest that you impugned russ, i just wanted to make clear (because, of course, the russell image is defense #1) that he was a pretty fair offensive asset too.

Al, i assume the reference on patrick is his big contract at the end, and his unwillingness to move on for salary cap purposes.

at least, i hope that's the reference....

Posted by: howard on January 25, 2007 12:09 AM

I also enjoyed how the section of the speech on Mutombo was inaccurate. Bush suggested Mutombo just happened to show up at Georgetown for academic reasons, providing an unexpected boon to the basketball program. Not quite, it seems.

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